How to Say Goodbye


As an oncologist, I discuss end of life decisions with clients on nearly a daily basis.

Euthanasia is one of the hardest decisions we have to make as a pet owner. You can read about my own story with my cat, Rocco. It is the most selfless act that we can do as guardians for the joy our pets give us.

consolationThe question I get asked often is: How will I know when it’s time? I have 3 different approaches to answering this question.

  1. For me, and for some people, it is an emotionally-driven experience. We just know. We look at our pet and can see in their eyes that they have given up or that the chance of them recovering is so unlikely that euthanasia becomes a more realistic option.
  2. Some people need a list. I would say have 10 items on this list: when s/he stops eating, when s/he stops being able to control her/his eliminations, when s/he stops greeting me at the door, when her/his tail stops wagging, when s/he does not want to play anymore, etc. Once they stop doing 3 things on this list, consider if there is something wrong. If they stop doing 5 things on the list, take a moment to decide if they have a quality of life.
  3. Another approach is to put “B” for bad day or “G” for good day on a calendar. If over a predetermined time period, if there are more “B’s” than “G’s” then it may be time to reevaluate.
“It’s not easy when the time comes to euthanize your pet. Yesterday, I was faced with that decision. The doctor and staff at NorthStar VETS were compassionate and caring to our needs and allowed us to face this with the utmost dignity possible. Thank you all very much.”

The healthiest decisions have included all members of the family. I have been amazed over the years by how resilient kids are when it comes to this decision and grieving for pets. They often do better than we would ever expect. Studies have shown that children need closure, some kind of physical act to say goodbye. This could include writing a card to the pet in heaven (if you believe), burying their ashes, or making a craft project to remember them. For people of all ages there are many online forums and we have a grief support group at NorthStar VETS.

Books to consider for children:

Many of our clients have expressed sentiments like this one from a recent pet owner. “It’s not easy when the time comes to euthanize your pet. Yesterday, I was faced with that decision. The doctor and staff at NorthStar VETS were compassionate and caring to our needs and allowed us to face this with the utmost dignity possible. Thank you all very much.” I urge my clients to euthanize when quality of life is severely diminished, but not yet at a critical point. It is difficult to watch your own pet suffer, make the frantic drive to your veterinarian’s office and have to rush to make a decision for which you were not prepared. I, personally, have done this.

What I have found to be most important is to cherish the good times you have had and focus on the happy memories. When you think back on your pet, what did they do that will make you laugh or smile? You should celebrate the time you have been blessed with.

Please do not be afraid to talk to your veterinarian if you need advice or are concerned about your pet and their quality of life.

Jennifer Kim, DVM, DACVIM (Oncology)Jennifer Kim, DVM, DACVIM (Oncology)
Dr. Kim grew up in New York and received her BA from the University of Pennsylvania. After two years at the National Cancer Institute performing cancer genetic research, she attended veterinary school at Tufts University. Dr. Kim completed a rotating internship at the Animal Medical Center in Manhattan, New York, and an oncology internship at Cornell University. She began at NorthStar VETS as an emergency clinician in 2005 and returned in 2010 to treat oncology patients after completing her residency in medical oncology at Michigan State University School of Veterinary Medicine. In her free time, Dr. Kim is an avid foodie and knitter.

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